Over the last 25 years, I have seen many of the world’s greatest trainers and like musicians, sometimes they meet the expectations of the audience, sometimes they disappoint and occasionally they surpass all expectations.
When Frank Farrelly came to Bix manor to present a seminar on provocative therapy, many of the assembled delegates were unsure of what to expect.
Frank began the day by asking the 22 delegates exactly how many seminars they had either presented or attended. I was surprised to hear that between us, we had either presented or attended a total of over 4500 seminars, which in my opinion was pretty impressive for what Frank described as “a last supper sized group” One of the many extraordinary aspects to Frank’s seminars is that he is the master of unpredictability and multi levelled communication. His first question of the day to us was “What can I tell you that you have not already heard?”
He commented that an Austrian psychologist had suggested that much of Frank’s work deals with archetypes “in a conversational way”. During the following days, I noticed how Frank has an intricate insight into the many forms of human relationships. Often during his one to one interviews, he would often ask about an individual’s family, work and personal relationships. During the two days, I became increasingly aware of how the relationships we form with others reveal a great deal about our own beliefs and orientations to a far greater extent than I had previously considered. Some of the delegates with an NLP background commented that at certain points the seminar, they felt that they has “grasped the patterns that Frank was using” only later to discover that the mercurial Frank had incorporated an approach which confounded their previous take on matters.
I had the great fortune to spend considerable time with Frank outside the context of the official seminar and noticed that he is in my experience the most congruent trainer I have met to date. He is exactly the same whether in front of an audience or in a social gathering, always lightening quick with his observations and with a wicked but gentle sense of humour. Frank would often shift the discussion between a personal viewpoint, a quite bizarre exaggerated version of events and a universal generalised statement, such as “A lot of women think, thank god.”
When exploring the relationship theme the subject of sex frequently appears with great hilarity. The unpredictability of being with Frank produces a whole range of extraordinary shifts in people’s internal perceptions as each individual is invited into what Graham Dawes described as “The topsy turvey world of Frank Farrelly” Frank’s questions during individual interviews often provoke strong reactions as he uses powerful visual images to engage the patient. These included “Do you like it like a nun does it?” and “Do you have a pet name for sex?” Crucially these interactions make perfect sense once Frank has set up what Phil Jeremiah describes as “the safe bubble” with the client and all the delegates who attended the interviews reported great benefits and noticeable shifts in what they had previously considered to be a problematic scenario.
I have noted in previous articles that Frank is a master of unpredictability, but even I was somewhat surprised when during onesession he suddenly broke out into full song singing what he described as an old Irish folk song called “Shed a tear in a bucket of beer.” At first, I thought he would only sing a few lines, but Frank true to form completed the entire song in fine voice! The delegate commented, “This is very weird, its like having furniture moved around in my head” During the tea break on the first day many delegates made similar comments, as Frank’s use of “conversational archetypes” resulted in all manner of shifts on many levels. During the two days, I was charged with the responsibility of keeping time and ensuring that each “interview” lasted exactly 25 minutes. This made me acutely aware of how quickly Frank works and in each case he wastes no time whatsoever in getting to the heart of the client’s problem. Often this will mean avoiding what some would consider the “social niceties” and asking quite blunt questions! I noted a few of these down which included “Have you ever tried shutting up”, “How much time do you think you have left?” and “How much pain do you need before you croak?”
Sometimes Frank would change the direction of the interaction by referencing stories or particular songs, often from the Country and Western gendre. One such comment made in this way was “A guy said I got all the money I need for the rest of my life, providing I die at noon this Friday” I noticed that each of these shifts in the communication would produce a noticeable change of atmosphere and on several occasions, it was clear when something had fundamentally changed in the patient’s “model of the world”. I mentioned my observations about this during one of the breaks and likened it to a jet passing through the room the effect was so obvious!
That afternoon one of the delegates asked Frank about the influence of his work on the creation of NLP. Many in the audience expectantly leaned forward at this point awaiting Frank’s response! Frank talked about meeting the creators of NLP in the 1970s and how he had a conversation with John Grinder about ensuring that those attending seminars were clear about the origination of Frank’s work. Frank commented, “At least I have to compliment him on who he is plagiarising!” He later went on to comment, “I have no enemies, just revered colleagues with whom I respectfully disagree”
The next interview followed a similar pattern I had noticed in the Masterclass Frank had presented earlier in the year, when the delegate talked about “win, win relationships” Frank retorted, “mainly its win and lose.” The conversation then followed a similar route to another interview I had witnessed earlier this year in another of Frank’s seminars where Frank proposed that in relationships there were “winners and losers”. He asked, “Are you a winner or a loser in love?” When the delegate mentioned that he never asked his first love out, Frank commented, “That’s a loser” and went on to ask “Were any of these real relationships or did you just jack off? After all that’s what losers do.”
The conversation then turned to exploring the delegates other relationships:
Frank – “What do your parents think of you?”
Delegate – “They think I’m fantastic!”
Frank – “So they lowered their standards?”
One thing I did not expect during the day was the excellent lunch provided at Bix Manor. I suggested to Sue Knight that this should perhaps feature more prominently in her advertising, as my experience of many seminars is that during the lunch break the delegates race to the nearest sandwich bar or Starbucks!
Later in the seminar, Frank described working with clients as being similar to seeing 17 television sets simultaneously. He also commented, “Sometimes I deliberately pretend to be idiotic, sometimes it flows naturally”
Nick Kemp Oct 2004
You can download part of Nick’s seminar with Frank Farrelly at: http://www.nlpmp3.com
You can read even more articles on provocative therapy at: http://www.provocativetherapy.info